


Eternity is in the moments we take

by kheradihr



Series: Scrapbook [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, allergic reactions to your inflammatory boyfriend, family functions are awkward, made drells fun for science, multiple male orgasms, not every chapter is porn, talking about sex will horrify your child, thane dies and he's not coming back, this fills some gaps in shep and thane's relationship, this is very self-indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 17:22:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8498722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kheradihr/pseuds/kheradihr
Summary: They never had enough time, but what they did have, they made theirs.





	1. Two hours

      She breathed against his lips, held his face as he trembled in his confession and tears.

     "Thane, be alive with me."

     He leaned into her, letting her smaller frame support him as they kissed. It was a tentative exploration for the both of them, this sort of intimacy too much for who they were individually, let alone them together. Then almost simultaneously their arms raised, one of Thane's to cup her face and both of their free arms curled around the others' waist. The movement of one cradling and supporting the other had them pulling back from their kiss, neither losing balance.

     One breath.

     Two breaths.

     Sniper's inhale.

     They came together without words, the newfound intensity between them showing in the gentle force they pressed their lips together, how their hands now traced seams in their clothing before finding expanses of cloth to grip tightly. Their feet danced lightly as they moved away from barking shins against the low table by her desk. Thane's jacket landed on the table, covering the Prothean artifact that she always managed to forget to give to Liara every time they stopped by.

     His hands danced along the waistline of her panties, stroking just enough for her to know what he wanted. "May I?" He asked.  
     Artemis took his hands and placed them on her ass. His fingers flexed possessively. "Always."

     Needing no more provocation, Thane lifted her swiftly and without effort. When she was eye level and her legs held onto his waist snugly he asked, "How long do we have?"

     It took her a moment to reply, her focus was on the sensation of his muscles, just as compact and wiry as her own, working to hold her. She was small but dense enough that her previous partners had always been surprised about her weight. Not Thane. He accepted everything she threw at him with the same graceful deftness that he broke necks. It left her breathless in ways his kiss hadn't and for a bit she had to force down the urge to take all the air from his lungs for herself.

     "I...uhm...." she twisted in his grasp to check her chronograph. His heels shifted just wide enough to anchor them both. "An hour, hour and a half at most. I shouldn't go onto the bridge smelling like sex."

     His dark green eyes were so dark they almost vanished into his black sclera. "Then I will wait to have you against the fish tank until after we destroy the Collectors."

     Artemis shivered at the many promises that statement held. She knew Thane was highly sexual from a few of their discussions about his memory -- the moment he described reliving the sensation of kissing another she felt that punch of desire that first appeared during his assassination of Nassana Dantius -- but the idea of him directing that sexual energy at her had never been more than exactly that, an idea. Even in the hasty moments where proximity and emotion overrode common sense or the quiet moments where there was nothing but shared space, he hadn’t been this explicit about his desires before. The mission had always been her primary focus. But Thane was always able to surprise and impress her.

     "Exactly what were your plans?" She asked with a shimmy of her hips on his. He smothered his moan with her lips, kissing her until she was breathless.

     "First I would undress you," he said, reaching for her shirt. Letting her legs do the work of holding her up, he pulled her tank over her head and walked them both back to the bed, snatching more of her breath with each kiss. He stooped, one hand supporting her back as the other held him up on the mattress. She landed gently and when Thane moved his hand from her back her bra laid loosely on her chest. His hands followed the cuts of her abdominal muscles down to her pants where he made quick work of loosening the buckles. Her pants barely whispered as he drew them down her legs and tossed them over his shoulder.

     "Then I would find all the parts of you that make you gasp, the tender parts of your flesh untouched and learn them with infinite detail."

     He kissed the inside of her left ankle and Artemis nearly sobbed. The kiss was gentle and full of worship as if he imprinted 'siha' on her with his lips. She had never had a partner who was this gentle, this loving with her. Her sob choked into a groan full of need as his lips opened and he dragged his teeth up her leg to leave another gently sucking kiss there too. Her skin itched faintly and it took everything for her to not grab Thane and pull him flush to her. Instead she growled his name. He looked up, questions in his eyes.

     "Strip, please." Her voice was hoarser than she expected.

     "As you command." His voice was just as hoarse.

     His movements were efficient, not a striptease — they didn’t have time for that, they never had enough time, she realized remembering her conversation with Liara — but they still took her breath away. Underneath his clothing was a weapon more beautiful than the sharp edges of Turian art. Tightly corded muscles flexed under his skin as his chest rose and fell, as his fists trembled. Meeting his eyes she saw how he was forcing himself to stop and memorize this exact moment.

     “Thane."

     His name startled him and he met Artemis’ eyes. “Siha?"

     “This will not be the last time. Come here."

     He was on her faster than she could blink, his preternatural speed bringing them together with the haste they needed to consummate this macabre expression of life. She gripped his body as they kissed again, this time haste giving their movements urgency. As she reached to remove her panties, Thane’s hands caught hers.

     “Not yet. Roll over."

     Her eyebrow rose in question, she could feel his arousal heavy and hot against her belly but rolled over anyways. He fitted against her perfectly, something they knew from before but like this, with no barriers between them it was heady. Artemis gasped as Thane bit the tendon that connected her skull to her spine. She arched into his mouth as he kissed her C6 vertebrae. As he moved lower, she rutted her body back against his, mind rattling off which vertebrae he placed his mouth on and what would be affected by severing the spinal cord: heart, lungs, bowel control, legs. Behind her, he whispered the same words, a prayer for assassins and he wrote it on her with teeth, lips, and tongue.

     By the time his fused fingers slipped down the front of her panties she was soaked with both sweat and need, trembling from the desire to touch him. His fingers fitted inside her easily and he curled them, coaxing out the orgasm building in her. Artemis shouted into the bed, body arched, one hand buried in the sheets, the other fitting between Thane’s cranial fins.

     As she panted through the aftershocks of her orgasm, Thane gently removed her panties and rolled her onto her back. He knelt on the bed between her splayed legs, hard and heaving and  waiting. For her. Everything he did was for her and no one else. Not even himself.

     “Get over here,” Artemis demanded, hooking her ankles behind his ass and pulled him forward. He fell on her eagerly, kissing her like he needed her breath for his body. His skin was hot, only slipping against hers because she was so sweaty from him earlier. They maneuvered a little, Thane so Artemis could rest her head on the pillows, Artemis so he would be lined up to enter her.

     Neither of them expected to even last this long. This wasn’t leisurely lovemaking, the profane worship Thane was desperate to give Artemis and this definitely wasn’t the hard fuckings Artemis usually indulged in. It was one last chance to do something about each other before they entered the breach. He thrust inside her, voice dissolving into half-breathed invocations and she urged him on, fingers dug deep into his ass.

     She came twice more, Thane drinking her surprised shouts in with relish until he came. He pulled out of her gently, her body so oversensitized that her muscles jerked with even more aftershocks. When she came down, Thane had found the ointment Mordin had given her for ‘likely dermal irritation’ and was gently massaging it into her skin. He pressed against her side, another thing becoming evident.

     “I thought you came,” she said when she got her tongue working. Everything seemed a little brighter, the overhead lights sparkling like the glitter rave her Reds crew dragged her to on her sixteenth birthday. The hallucinogen in drell saliva, she remembered. 

     Thane chuckled, kissing her cheek before rubbing some ointment there too. Everything itched mutely, the sensation slowly dying off as afterglow kicked in.

     “I see in your discussions with Mordin he did not tell you drell males are capable of multiple orgasms."

     “Really?” she drawled, reaching down for him. “What is your best number?"

     “Aah, seven. It was how Kolyat was conceived. Siha!"

     “Hmm?"

     “We do not have the time for you to,” he hissed as she twisted her hand around him, “attempt to break that record. Perhaps after we are done destroying the Collectors."

     “I am glad you believe me. We will survive.”

     He returned her smile before rolling her on top of him. He slid in easily and Artemis shuddered. “With you, siha, we will."


	2. 3 days - Day 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reuniting at Huerta and the mini-vacation Artemis takes because she has it owed, gdi.

     Thane's hands ran along her spine as if he hadn't already memorized the muscles there. As they spread to take her hips and hopefully her ass, they stopped and he murmured against her lips.

     "Perhaps we should continue this in my room. We will," he gasped as she tongued the seam in his lower lip. "There's less of a chance of us getting arrested for public obscenity there."

     Artemis pulled back enough for him to see her eyes blown wide. Six months was too long. Hell, right now six minutes was too long. "Tell me you have a window room."

     He smiled that secret smile that promised laughter and pleasure as he took her hand. "Come and see."

     As he led her through the hallways of Huerta, she tapped the comms tucked behind her ear.

     "EDI."

     "Yes, Shepard."

     "Does the Normandy have any kind of maitenance or diagnostics that need to be done? Preferably any that would leave us on the Citadel for a few days." She sketched a salute to the Alliance soldiers that recognized her and snapped salutes in her direction.

     "There are a few that are due in the next few weeks. If I start them now we will be docked between two and three days. It will take longer if I encourage Adams to get his recommended allotment of sleep."

     “Adams can sleep when he’s dead. Start it now and relay our downtime to the crew."

     "Shall I assume you will be indisposed for the duration?"

     Artemis watched Thane politely — he was always polite, even when threatening someone — greet a few nurses who all wore knowing smiles before they shooed him along with promises to knock first. "Yes. If Liara or Garrus can't handle it you can contact me."

     "Understood. Give my regards to Thane."

     Artemis laughed, startling herself as Thane led her into his room. Her back thudded against the door and she slapped the panel to lock it as Thane bracketed her in with his arms.

     “EDI says hello."

     “Siha, please, stop talking.” Then he took her mouth with all the desire he had been hiding in public.

     He kissed like he killed: precisely and thoroughly. She was grateful that Thane had her pressed against the door because her knees went out from under her not long after he sealed his lips over hers. She grabbed at him, body finally kicking into gear and arousal coursing through her veins, half a year without him rushing forth.

     “You…are wearing…too many clothes,” she managed when he moved from her mouth to her ear and down her neck.

     “Bold words from someone who cannot stand without assistance.” She growled and he chuckled. “We were in the lobby of a major hospital, siha,” he pointed out as she shucked his jacket before removing her uniform shirt.

     “Details."

     He laughed for a moment before coughing overcame him. Artemis stopped, hands resting on his waist, supporting him as he coughed. When he rightened he found her staring at him, her thin lips turned down in a pensive frown but before he could speak she firmly walked him backwards. She navigated him past the bed, the flimsy excuse for a hospital couch, even the reading chair that clearly didn’t belong to the hospital, probably Thane’s own until his back rested gently against the glass.

     “Don’t,” she preempted, pressing a bruising kiss against his lips before kissing along his cheeks, following the contours down to his throat and lower. “Let me do the work for once. You said it would be my turn next."

     “You remembered,” he wheezed, a sound that disturbed her.

     “I did. Six months under house arrest is plenty of time to think about what I wanted to do to you."

     “Please,” he hissed as she nipped at his hips, peeling off his pants and tossing them behind her. “Tell me you did not spend all your time thinking up ways for me to lose myself in you. I—I do not think I am capable of surviving such an assault."

     The admission of his illness getting them better of him left a stabbing pain in her chest like getting bitten by a varren but she didn’t let it show on her face. Instead she mouthed the side of his already erect cock and smiled. Anyone but Thane would have been terrified but because it was Thane, his fingers ruffled her hair before finding the pulse under her jaw.

     Resting her head in his hand, she kissed his wrist. “I suppose we can go for quality rather than quantity,” and swiftly swallowed his cock.

     His gasps and sighs were everything Artemis craved in her months of house arrest. The sensation of his fingers fitting in her curls and gripping was like coming home. Her fingers flexed in the muscle of his thighs, petting and rubbing as they trembled in her grasp.

     “Siha, please. More,” came out in breathier gasps than normal and she pulled back to take Thane in.

     More than the beauty she saw and regularly became amazed by, she saw the faint tremors he could hide under his clothes, the subtle signs that he was not well. In their time apart his illness became so prevalent that she could see even though he worked hard to hide it. She didn’t doubt his methods worked on others, but she knew too much to fall for the ruse.

     “Come here.” She coaxed his knees to bend, letting his body slide down until she sat between his splayed legs, her own fitting easily under his bent knees. He looked at her quizzical, eyelids slamming shut as she took him in her hand and leaned forward.

     “I found a better way,” she began, then leaned in so her lips could rest by his ear. Her hand still on him moving easily, the world whizzing by, she told him everything she had thought of during the six months they were apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My personal headcanon is that my Shep stays a few days with Thane. The galaxy can spare a few days for them to attempt to have a life together.


	3. 3 days - Day 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inflammation and pain, Artemis can handle. Being with someone's family, that is a new one. Luckily food removes most awkwardness. Most.

 

      _Tuchanka and another damned sandstorm grating over everything. A krogan nearby was chewing bone in the loudest way possible and her scaled shadow Urz was nowhere to be found to bite him. Another krogan, somehow even closer than the bone chewer, was choking on his own vomit as he slept. She slowly rose against the howling wind to shove him sideways and a tremor hit, buckling the ground underneath._

     Her eyes opened, instantly alert, fingers sliding down her body for her pistol only to find naked skin and naked skin she barely recognized. Thane slept beside her, somehow unaware of her waking despite them cramming themselves into his hospital bed, rails up to keep them from falling off in the middle of the night. Artemis closed her eyes and listened. No matter the hour Huerta was bustling with activity, none of it what woke her from solid sleep.

     Then Thane took a breath.

     That was what put her on Tuchanka, the jaggedness of Thane’s normally smooth modulation coupled with the wet, sucking chest wound sound of him breathing. Of him slowly drowning to death, leaving nothing but bone dry desolation. He coughed and she felt the Tuchankan tremors that woke her. His vitals read normal on the screen nearby and her fingers itched for a gun. There was nothing normal about the reduced oxygen saturation and heightened blood pressure blinking at her in the darkness. She knew what death was and its normalcies; what was happening to Thane was none of that. He wasn’t dying of exposure, to fall asleep one too cold night and never wake. A gunshot hadn’t taken part of his face and splattered it all over her in the middle of a gunfight with a rival gang taking advantage of a power vacuum the Reds were quickly filling. This was pervasive like starving to death except this wasn’t as simple as debasing yourself and risking food poisoning by eating dumpster food.

     “Siha?"

     She jolted and every place her naked skin was in contact with Thane’s burned, reminding her of more immediate, physically painful issues. Thane wasn’t dead yet. She would destroy the Reapers and return to his side. They still had time. Her skin did not. It was red and irritated from prolonged exposure to Thane’s. She swore as he extricated himself from her, skin screaming.

     “I should…"

     “If you are not going to say ‘ask the nurse for inflammation cream’ then don’t say it,” she growled.

     “Your skin, siha—"

     She growled. “My skin will survive. I do not want you sleeping on the couch because of some skin irritation."

     Not unkindly, Thane pressed his thumb to the ball of her shoulder and Artemis had to clench her teeth against the pain. She didn’t swing at him because she knew he would evade it and her pride was already crumbling. “This is more than simple irritation. You’re swelling."

     “Fine. Go get what you need but,” her hand caught Thane’s wrist as he reached for pants — hers by the Alliance blue — on the floor. “No nurses and you’re not sleeping on the couch."

     He leaned in and kissed her deeply, tongue curling along her hard palate like he was writing his name for her there. “As you wish, siha."

     She was still blinking, the evening lights outside his enormous picture window making her eyes water a little, when he returned. She opened her mouth when she saw the pile of sheets over one arm only to have a finger rested across her lips.

     “I asked the nurses if there was a way to keep your skin intact. The sheets will do that without having either of us on the couch."

     Mollified and still marveling at how high she already was from just one kiss, Artemis let Thane coat her with ointment. Each time she hissed in pain he would kiss her and continue to slather the thick cream on her arms, stomach, the tender skin of her inner thighs. She giggled as he took the sheets and tore them into large bandages and gently but firmly wrapped her body.

     “How are you, siha?"

     Artemis squinted at him as he striped her cheeks with ointment. It felt like he was drawing war paint on her face but she couldn’t figure out which species'. “I’m high. I’m high because I cuddled you and you keep kissing me to keep me high."

     “High and not in pain.” Thane nodded. He crawled back into bed and they began arranging themselves to fit in the bed together. “It will wear off as the medication neutralizes the toxin. Sleep, siha."

     She wanted to tell him it would be hard to but suddenly a wave of exhaustion hit her like adrenaline drop and she could feel  herself sinking into slumber.

     Morning light shone brightly through the window when Thane shook Artemis awake. She yawned, jaw cracking, before pulling Thane down for a kiss.

     “You slept well.” He sounded smug as he began teasing free the shredded sheets on her body. The skin he bared was free of inflammation and swelling. The way his hands lingered told her it was softer than usual too.

     “Best I’ve slept in a very long time. Thane? Why are you dragging me out of bed?"

     “In our eagerness to reunite, I did not have a chance to tell you I see Kolyat today. He will be here in half an hour.” He at least looked chagrined as Artemis threw herself off the bed and into the bathroom.

     “My utes, will you grab them?” she called from the shower, grabbing the stock hospital soap from the cubby. Scrubbing her hair with one hand and her body with the other, she heard a thump outside the shower curtain. “Thane?” she called from under the spray.

     “Liara left this for you at the nurse’s station sometime this morning."

     She rinsed one more time and opened the curtain. In front of the sink sat an faintly iridescent dark purple duffel. Inside were some clothes, shoes, even cosmetics. Thanking Liara’s Goddess for her, Artemis dressed quickly, running mousse through her hair so the curls actually looked like she put effort in them instead of the mussy, helmet-flat mass it normally was. Coming out of the bathroom, she found Thane shrugging on his own jacket. His face lit when he saw her and she found herself easily taking his hand.

     “This is what you look like,” he said, voice full of awe.

     She looked down. Slim-fitted cargo pants tucked into calf-high boots, worn-soft purple heather shirt under a fitted jacket modded to hide a compact pistol easily, fingerless gloves to protect her knuckles if she ended up in a fist fight. The only people who ever saw her in this outfit was Liara and Tali, long after defeating Saren when they went out for ‘Ladies Night’ that once. It didn’t happen again because every enforcer in the area wanted to see if scuttlebutt that the Tenth Reds’ Hunter was the Human Specter. Every place they went in the wards ended with them leaving amidst a bar fight. Liara must have remembered and kept the outfit set up in the go-bag the duffel clearly was.

     “It’s just me, Thane. Nothing more, nothing less."

     “Siha. That is why I am in awe. Come, we should meet Kolyat in the lobby. He dislikes my hospital room."

     

     Artemis shifted nervously underneath the tree in one of Huerta’s many courtyards, trying and failing to keep her knee from bumping Thane’s too much as they sat with Kolyat. Father and son were meditating quietly, part of their thrice-a-week visits and Artemis felt like she should be guarding their private time, not participating in it.

     Kolyat had blinked a little too-loudly when he saw Artemis with his father but he greeted her cordially enough, asking after the crew, conveying his own greetings to them through her. He noticed how close his father and her sat, the way Thane had never stopped touching her except to embrace Kolyat but never said anything. Brief conversation confirmed he still worked for C-Sec under Bailey in a test bed outreach program for kids in the Wards. Knowing and hopping in and out of the Earth programs Bailey based his own on, Artemis approved of Kolyat’s work. She made a note to tell him so at lunch after their mediations.

     Her twitchy knee stilled as Thane gently shifted the hand on his knee to hers and pressed. His fused fingers tapped out a slow rhythm — a sniper’s breathing pattern for an assault wave — and Artemis fell into it easily, the rise and fall of her torso gently reminding her that Thane had slipped a pistol into the holster modded into her jacket and a drellmade knife into her left boot’s sheath. She belonged here, the bridge between father and son. The knowledge settled her and she too fell into meditative silence.

     They went out to eat at one of the nearby cafes, close enough to Huerta for Thane but just far enough that everything didn’t stink of sterility and death. Kolyat was a curious eater, like his father and soon all three were discussing food and sharing between their dishes.

     “I’m sure hanar cuisine is interesting but at some point compressed plankton cakes have to get boring,” Artemis pointed out as she swiped up an order of chocolate milkshakes for her and Kolyat. Father and son chuckled simultaneously, catching the unified action and both smiling.

     “It does."

     “Has anyone found culinary analogs? It’s not as if the drell were from the only arid homeworld."

     Kolyat shrugged as he sucked on the dessert delivered to their table. He shuddered from the intense cold and pushed the milkshake away. Artemis grinned and drank her own. Since she died she never had brain freeze and it was awesome.

     “I don’t think so. Even now we are trying to make ourselves available for the hanar’s needs.” Kolyat eyed Artemis with disbelief as she contentedly consumed the milkshake.

     “Krogan food, when one can get it is good."

     Kolyat goggled at Thane. “Krogans have a cuisine?"

     Artemis nodded. “When they’re not roasting pyjak with crawler fuel you can get some pretty interesting food. Spiced real interesting, but not spicy. Though if you ask the crew, I don’t know any better because I enjoy drinking ryncol."

     “Siha does prefer some more eclectic food than most would enjoy,” Thane nodded slowly before reaching for Artemis’ milkshake. Touching the glass with the back of his hand, he shook his head and she continued to drink.

     “Like what?” Kolyat asked, his expression a mix of curiosity and disgust.

     “It doesn’t leave the table but batarian food is good. Spicy enough to make a krogan’s ass pucker and curl an asari’s cartilage. Met a batarian and vorcha who ran a stall in Omega together. Still don’t know exactly what I ate, but it was good."

     Kolyat face went queasy as he looked at Thane for confirmation. He nodded, utterly bemused and reached for Artemis’ milkshake and drank.

     “Father?"

     “It is better when it’s warm, Kolyat. I will get you a different cup."

     “Drell really don’t like cold food?” Artemis asked as she poured Kolyat’s milkshake into a preheated asari tea glass. She pushed the glass over once the milkshake was sloshing easily. Kolyat tasted it again and pleasantly surprised, began sucking eagerly on the straw. He pulled off reluctantly to answer.

     “It has to be at least room temperature but we truly prefer food body temperature or higher. If it’s too cold it could trigger a dive in our internals."

     “Right,” Artemis said, remembering. “Part of the drell clothing is temperature and humidity control since Kajhe is pretty cool and wet."

     Thane nodded, letting Kolyat enjoy his milkshake. “Our clothing ensures we do not get too cold or damp. Much like your armor’s undersuit."

     “Partial endothermy is kinda trippy. I mean, on Earth our fish are like that but a sapient species with that internal regulating system. I guess it makes sense since your homeworld rarely dipped below 30C."

     Thane chuckled as Kolyat stared, gently aghast at Artemis’ flippancy, and took her hand. It was such a novel gesture, she couldn’t help but stare at the play of green against the black of her gloves. “At least you did not ask if sex with hanar is as messy as it sounds. Joker somehow made the mental leap to ask that one duty shift I sat with him."

     Chocolate milkshake spewed out of Kolyat’s nose and mouth. Artemis pressed Thane to his seat to see if the proprietor could get them more napkins for the sputtering Kolyat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any and all drell background/physiology is my own development. I didn't want drell to be cold-blooded (endothermic) so I made them more like our open sea fishes. They might have a [rete mirabile](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rete_mirabile) like tuna/giraffes that is augmented by their clothing but I hadn't thought that far. /ends biologist nerd thoughts.


	4. 3 days - Day 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The vacation's over, time to get to work.

     Thane's chronograph read 0449 when her comms’ override switching on woke her. She didn’t speak, waiting for whomever was calling to speak. Thane slept next to her, the wheezing that accompanied every breath somehow no longer as loud or distracting as the first time they lay together in Huerta. Artemis swallowed almost audibly at that realization, still waiting for EDI to speak.

     “Shepard.” The hesitation, so long considering how fast EDI’s mind worked; it told Artemis that EDI too was dreading making this call. “With resupply, we will be able to depart by 1600, Citadel time.” Another pause. “You do not have to leave until 1545 and that is without you requesting a skycar."

     “Thank you EDI.” Artemis breathed, not wanting to wake Thane and knowing that EDI would hear her.

     “Of course, Shepard. Give my regards to Thane."

     Artemis smiled and let the comms close before rolling into Thane. He woke, the cadence in his wheezing changing. Never again could they play the game of ‘guess who was awake’ as they cuddled. Neither could easily sleep in physical contact with someone, their trainings being what they were but it had been a fun game they played in their days after destroying the Collectors before she turned herself in.

     His arms wrapped around her and let her tuck herself underneath his chin. Her feet hung off the hospital bed but she wanted to hear his heart beat, feel the rise and fall of his chest like the sea he was to cross. Of all the deaths she knew was coming, this one was the hardest to bear. It lacked choice and determination, a slow siphoning of vitality until there was nothing left.

     “Siha?"

     “Departure is 1600 hours."

     “I see. Would it be inappropriate if I escorted you to the Normandy?"

     “Of course not."

 

     Her hair was damp and unstyled as she and Thane entered the lift to leave Huerta at 1300. They spent the morning wholly engrossed in each other, talking in his bed, through morning calisthenics, tucked together on the couch eating the rations Liara had packed in the duffel. They meditated together before he surprised her by rolling her on her back and burying his face between her legs until she begged for mercy, limp-limbed and sweaty. He joined her in the shower afterwards, stating at his point in Kepral’s it didn’t matter if he was in a shower or a rainforest. Emotion choked Artemis as she pulled him into join her under the spray for kisses that had been the most intimate thing she had ever experienced. The water was warm enough neither of them knew if the other was crying or not. Both suspected, neither judged. His nurses smiled indulgently and waved as they left, not even phased that he was leaving the hospital a second day in a row.

     “You have fans."

     “They appreciate that I am not one of their more difficult patients."

     “They also appreciate that you’re handsome, polite, and move like silken death,” Artemis added knowingly. “How often do you catch them watching you?"

     Thane chuckled and took Artemis’ hand as the lift doors shut and Avina informed them they were moving to dock D24. “While training or when I am simply reading? All the time. It reminded me of the first few weeks aboard the Normandy."

     They shared a smile and fell silent like many times that day.

     “I could never take my eyes off you. You were so discreet, yet I always knew when you came into the same space as I. Thane, I—"

     He turned and kissed her, not one of farewell or desperation but a simple kiss for the sheer pleasure of the act. She fell into it, letting him crowd her into one of the corners, hands gripping his sides. These kisses were becoming habitual. And with everything these three days, achingly bittersweet.

     “I know, siha, Artemis. I know with every memory I have of you. Your actions speak it better than your words. It is your nature as an actor."

     The elevator doors opened, Avina cheerfully announcing the docks and Thane pulled away. Artemis took the hand offered easily -- another thing becoming habitual and familiar these three days -- and they made their way to the Normandy. Soldiers, no matter their species, snapped sloppy salutes towards Artemis as they did their own preparations and she ignored him, eyes scanning for her crew. Vega halted his conversation with another crew member of the Normandy to jog up to the two of them.

     “Commander, welcome back. Did you recruit another member for our guerrilla army?"

     “Not this time. James Vega, Thane Krios and vice versa.” Artemis grinned as Vega’s face dropped in awe. “He’s stopping in to see some old friends."

     “Of course! It’s an honor, sir. I’ve heard about how the Commander recruited you. I would love a chance to spar with you."

     Thane chuckled and shook Vega’s hand easily. “If you heard the story from siha, I’m sure she exaggerated."

     “Nope. Lola didn’t say anything. It was Garrus."

     “Then he certainly exaggerated. Lola?” he asked, turning to Artemis, curious smile already growing on his lips.

     “My nickname,” she provided. “If you spar Vega, you’ll get one too."

     “I will keep that mind. Hello, EDI."

     Normandy’s hatch opened at their approach and EDI’s voice greeted them.

     “Hello Thane. Did Artemis convey my greetings?"

     “She did. I thought it would be better if I came by and said hello instead of making her the messenger."

     “Shepard does have a history of being ignored when in that role,” EDI said, body coming around the corner. “Hello Thane."

     He took the hand proffered and shook it, examining her body. “EDI, it is good to see you. Is this the ‘goddamn risk’ as Artemis called it?"

     “It is.” She rolled one shoulder, a gesture everyone recognized as belonging to various crew members. She was trying human physicality now that she was used to her body. “It seems to be paying off."

     “That is good to hear. Perhaps later we coul—"

     “Hey hey, handsome murder dad,” Joker called as he came from the same direction as EDI. “How is the kiddo?"

     Thane answered and Artemis watched him chat with EDI and Joker, then Garrus as he boarded, and Liara after EDI informed her Thane was on board. He easily hugged Liara, the two talking animatedly even after Karin came in to greet Thane. Everyone clogged the entry hatch simply talking and for a moment, everything felt right. Her people — most of them at least,  thinking of Tali — were all together.

     “He’s beautiful."

     “He is,” Artemis answered, oddly gentle, making room against the wall for Cortez to join her.

     “He’s why you understand losing someone before your eyes."

     She hummed affirmation, never taking her eyes from Thane. He was alive and she was going to remember him like this. “His Kepral’s is advanced enough he’s living in Huerta Memorial. The bed is shit and I’m off to kill Reapers after six months house arrest.”  _Without him. He was by my side when I destroyed the Collectors, caught my hand and hauled me aboard as the entire base exploded around us. I killed the human Reaper to the rhythm of his prayers. He was the only person who thought I wasn’t crazy to remand myself into Alliance custody. He’s the only thing I’ve wanted more than living and here I am leaving him for my duty._

     “Does he have family?"

     “A son. I punched him not eight months ago. Saved his life and reunited the two. He might have some extended relatives but none he’s in contact with."

     “Looks like he has plenty of family, the way he’s surrounded now."

     “Yeah.” She took a few breaths, slow and steady. “He’s not coming along. I’m going to leave him behind, his request."

     “Hey,” Cortez’s shoulder bumped hers and stayed there, a reassuring weight along her upper arm. “He’s here on the Citadel. He’ll be safe and here once we’re done with our mission."

     He was so alive, talking with Garrus about a prototype sniper rifle before turning to Traynor to ask her about how she handled the encoding he laced into his first message to reach Artemis in months. Traynor blushed as he bowed to her smiling, her hand going to her chest like she had been shot and Liara leaned in to tell her something. Artemis had ten credits on ‘He has that effect on people.' He was beautiful, alive for the moment, and hers. They would have time before he crossed the sea.

     “Yeah."


	5. 30 minutes and after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end for now, until she crosses the sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is. I hope you brought your tissues. [Sia's Elastic Heart](https://youtu.be/KWZGAExj-es) is what I wrote it to, so feel free to listen while reading.

     "Thane!" burst from Artemis despite taking a half second to calm herself between talking with Thane's doctor and entering his room. Kolyat started but Thane was still. Too still. He always acknowledged her entrance except when he was meditating and even then he at least was aware of her. His chest didn't rise and fall like the tide washing on the shore.

     His chest barely moved. Only a sniper would notice the scant movement.

     She rushed to his side, taking his hand without thinking of Kolyat's reaction. Thane had said he explained his relationship with Artemis after Kolyat's visit during Artemis' but his exact words were lost in the memory of a blade sticking out of Thane's back. All that blood. It was still on her gloves and Mattock. She literally stripped as she disembarked from the Normandy, Liara's promises that everything would be waiting untouched for her to return. No one else would have Thane’s blood on their hands but her and the dead man still walking. "Thane, I'm here."

     He rose his head a bit before coughing wracked him further forward. Artemis caught him and let him cough against her shoulder, a vicious parody of their embrace just weeks ago in the same bed.

     "He didn't want the oxygen mask, said it was uncomfortable. I had to remove it." Kolyat sounded so young, so apologetic. So alone.

     "It's fine," Artemis found herself saying in the same tone she spoke to that now dead child, her free hand resting gently on Kolyat's bicep long enough to give a reassuring squeeze. When Thane's coughs died down she gently rested him back on the bed. The hand that gave comfort to Kolyat was in Thane's and her other rested lightly on his chest as to not inhibit his breathing any more than necessary.

     "Siha. You came."

     It hurt, how much wonder and love was in his voice. Artemis blinked fast and smiled for Thane. "Of course I did. I would've come faster but I had to shoot Udina. Never liked that bastard."

     "So thorough," smiled Thane. "Amonkira would be pleased. Arashu too."

     "May Kalahira leave Udina at the bottom of the sea never to cross."

     Thane laughed, quiet and short, like he did when Artemis was particularly blasphemous and he agreed with her. This time it was shorter and breathless. "Siha, I'm afraid I've picked a bad time to leave."

     "No. You always had the best timing. Remember when I chased after you in Dantius Tower? You were flawless in it, saving salarians and killing mercenaries."

     "I could not have done it without you, Siha."

     "Shhh. I was just a distraction."

     "The most beautiful distraction. Always. Forever. A worthwhile distraction, to lead me back to life like you did."

     "It was worth it, to see you and Kolyat reunited. I still wish I shot Talid but Kolyat was more important."

     "You punched me!" Kolyat protested from the head of Thane's bed.

     Unthinking, Artemis grinned at Kolyat, baring her teeth like he was Mouse holding information they needed, which had Thane choke on another laugh. Now he was choking more than laughing. "It was less satisfying than shooting the xenophobic douche you had at gunpoint. At least now you don't have murder on your record and I can blackmail Talid as I need."

     "I knew you had too much fun 'questioning' Kelham. Mouse too."

     "Not like you stopped me." The fondness in her voice had Thane huff a chuckle.

     "Father!" Kolyat's wail reminded Artemis how young Kolyat was. Younger than—no. Torfan's losses were soldiers, no matter what their ages were. There was always a difference between civilian and soldier. Always.

     "Kolyat. It is all she has of our relationship. If so much hadn't separated us, she would have more things to sequester in her memories." He took as deep of a breath as he could. "Did the salarian councillor survive?"

     Artemis didn't answer, taking the chance to imprint Thane's face in her memory. Damn it, how did she not have any pictures or holos of him? They had weeks together, then three days and even now she had nothing but his touch, his words. It wasn't enough. Memories never held the intensity of his coloring, the timbre of his voice, the elegance of his touch. It hadn't been enough during house arrest, how could it be enough now that he was truly dying?

     "He did, Father. The other councillors as well."

     "I managed to even talk Kaidan down from shooting my squad." Artemis added blithely. She still couldn't believe she had Kaidan at gunpoint just minutes ago. Everything had a sense of unreality to it, like she had been kissing Thane too long. Now that too long would never be enough.

     "This is good. Especially for you, siha. I know how hurt you were from his distrust at Horizon."

     Artemis made a dismissive sound but squeezed his hand despite the itching that occurred when she touched Thane too long. Irritating skin or not, she would not leave Thane now. The whole galaxy could fall to the Reapers for all she cared.

     "You don't believe that. You fight and survive, siha. It is who you are."

     Artemis started, the movement dislodging the emotion she tamped down for almost a year. Now it strangled her. "Stop reading me. Please, Thane. Not now."

     He nodded, understanding her words and the meaning underneath and between them. His fingers curled around hers, capturing both hands and holding them to his chest. Artemis had to sit on the edge of the bed to accommodate him. There had always been room for her in his bed since her first confession of affection.

     "There is something I must do before it gets worse. I must—" Coughing cut him off.

     "Thane!"

     "Father!"

     He lifted a hand to quiet them and then reached out to Kolyat. Son took his father's hand to have it join Artemis' hands sneaking into his shirt's opening to hook in by the fingertips. Then Thane began to pray.

     _"Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness_

_Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand—"_

     Thane coughed, seemingly unable to stop and Kolyat continued the prayer.

     _"Kalahira, wash the sins from this one,_

_and set him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit."_

     Wheezing as he gasped for breath, Thane turned towards his son. "Kolyat…you speak as the priests do. You have been spending time with them."

     Kolyat nodded, so solemn in comparison to the passionate anger Artemis remembered in him and the youthfulness he cried out in earlier. It was amazing to see how fast he could shift from one to the other. At his age, she had been so static, given to one state without deviation. After all, it was how she survived. Only after she became a Spectre did she change and her emotions went into flux. He turned to her. "I brought a prayer book. Comm—Artemis, would you care to join me?"

     Artemis nodded since 'of course, Kolyat' seemed to be stuck somewhere between her heart and her throat. There shouldn't have been that much room for so few words to get lodged.

     One handed — neither of them wanted to let go of Thane with how fast he was leaving them both — Kolyat opened the prayer book and began to read.

     _"Kalahira, this one's heart is pure,_

_But beset by wickedness and contention._

_Guide this one to where all hunters return,_

_Where the traveler never tires,_

_The lover never leaves, the hungry never starve._

_Where all storms become still, where all stars show the path._

_Guide this one Kalahira,_

_And she will be a companion to you as she was to me."_

     Shakily, Artemis joined him at the first 'Guide this one' and they spoke the prayer as one voice carrying in the silence of the hospital room. With each line they read, Thane's breath became shallower until his head turned away from them and his chest stilled so much not even Artemis' eyes could see it rise.

     When she finished the last line, she wriggled one hand free from Thane's to cup his face and turn it towards her. Them.

     Thane was gone with the last words of the prayer. No medical machinery declared his death but Artemis had seen death often enough to recognize it. Nothing this peaceful but she knew Thane had crossed the sea and left both her and Kolyat behind on the shore.

     Leaning forward until her forehead and nose touched Thane's, Artemis breathed against his lips, "Kalahira guide you, my—May Irikah welcome you with open arms."

     Her eyes closed. She didn't have anything left in her seeing Thane die. She couldn't save him. His loss cut deeper than Ash's which cut her even further. Kaidan still lived, but at what cost? Suddenly Artemis felt eleven years old again, lost in a world larger than her imagining.

     "I-I'm sorry," Kolyat stuttered in the silence, his voice thick with unshed tears. "I should g—"

     A hand shot out and captured his wrist gently like she was catching one of the alley rats that she remembered playing with. It was their warmth that kept her alive some winters. She could feel Kolyat's pulse, high and flighty, like the rats. So young and scared. Even now he was trying to be so adult, like his father. Little did he know, but Artemis did.

     "No. Please, Kolyat. Stay." She straightened slowly, suddenly feeling every injury in her life despite her reconstruction. His wrist twitched just enough for her hand to fall into his where he held hers like a child would hold an adult's.

     For an interminable time they stayed in silence gazing on Thane's body, so very still in death. Somewhere in that time Kolyat's head dropped to Artemis' shoulder, silent tears wetting it in ways that made her sit taller even as her head tipped to rest against Kolyat's head ridges.

     "Kolyat? Why did the last verse say 'she'?" Her voice was so quiet, she doubted many would recognize it. One of the few who would lay dead, his hands still entangled in one of hers.

     He straightened long enough to look in her eyes. "The prayer was not for him. You know he already asked forgiveness for the lives he had taken. His wish, no, his prayer was for you."

     "Oh." She said to no one as Kolyat leaned even further against her. She wrapped an arm around him as her other finally lifted from Thane's chest to cup Thane's face. Out of habit, her thumb brushed against the full lips that had smiled at her, spoke to her, prayed for her, given her pleasure. They didn't move to chase the pad of her thumb to press kisses against it. They would never again. "I will meet you across the sea, Thane. Just give me some time to finish this."

     As if her words broke whatever wall that held the doctors back, they entered the room, doing the things doctors did when someone died. She eased off the hospital bed and walked Kolyat out of the room, her arm still around him. One of the doctors said something about Kolyat signing paperwork, and Artemis told them to forward it to her. Kolyat didn't speak the entire time she walked him out of Huerta, into the elevator, and then into Purgatory. She sat him firmly in the couches that made up Aria's little kingdom. Flinging herself next to him she lifted one finger. She found herself surprised it wasn't her middle.

     "Bray. I want the best liquor and keep it coming until I say stop."

     The batarian folded his arms unimpressed. Artemis let her face fall into the snarl she wanted to give for months as her fingers inched towards the pistol she always kept inside her uniform since she got out of house arrest. Kolyat leaned further into the couch like he could become one with the fabric. This was the world his father had lived in and wanted him to have no part of. It was terrifying.

     "Try me, Bray. I'd love to put a bullet between your eyes. You know how I get with batarians."

     "Bray." Aria's voice cut through the loud music and stopped Bray's hand reaching for his own pistol. "The Commander needs a drink. The kid too. Go get a girl to keep it filled."

     "Yes ma'am."

     "You want to explain why you're starting a fight with my second in command, Shepard?" Aria eyed Kolyat as she recrossed her legs, which only made him lean closer towards Artemis who honestly thought nothing of insulting Bray. If anything, it was just how she said hello to him. "You didn't strike me as the type to cradle rob."

     Artemis leaned back, feeling for once comfortable. The Tenth Street Reds only sent her into negotiate with the most dangerous contacts. After the emotional turmoil of losing Thane she eagerly let her fall back into the Hunter, her handle when she worked for the Reds. Thane might consider it falling into battle sleep but she would not fully disconnect her body from her soul. She learned that lesson saving the boy leaning into her side like a hot brand of memory. Right now she just needed some distance from everything and a sniper scope wasn't easily available. "Thane Krios died less than half an hour ago after saving the salarian councillor and probably half of the Citadel. The kid is his son."

     "Shit. Fuck." After that, both Artemis and Kolyat's translators stopped following Aria's swearing, though Artemis caught more than she let on. "I liked him. Grizz. Tell Bray to forget the girl, I'll pour for them."

     The turian standing nearby nodded and disappeared upstairs where the better liquor was sold. Purgatory, despite being built long before Alighieri wrote his Divine Comedy, was tiered oddly appropriately. The higher levels boasted better liquor than the lowest where the poorest in the Citadel danced and drank their sorrows away in such a way nothing was assuaged. For a moment Artemis thought to ask Liara for the cultural significance before remembering that Liara preferred dead cultures to living ones. It seemed, even with unearthing a particularly rancorous Prothean, dealing with long lost livelihoods was easier than dealing with the living. Artemis chuckled at the realization as Aria pulled a table up between Artemis and Kolyat before sitting on a chair on the other side. She poured liquor into their glasses, the liquid moving syrupy sweet against the glass.

     Kolyat took a drink after watching Artemis knock back half of her glass. He coughed and neither women helped him. They both leaned back, looking away from him and sipping their own drinks.

     "You…you knew my father?"

     Aria whipped a look at Artemis who just shrugged and poured another glass of the Lesuss whisky Bray selected.

     "Yeah. I knew him. Personally and professionally. Hell, he was the best and most expensive assassin in the galaxy. If I knew about his illness, I could've done something." The last words were tied to a pointed look at Artemis who looked at a wall across the expanse separating Aria's alcove from the club's infrastructure.

     "How did you meet?"

     Aria blinked at Kolyat before she leaned back and decided to tell him the truth. "Beyond professional reputation? I saw him often enough when she was on Omega but I didn’t talk to him until Shepard was looking for an Ardat-Yakshi. She had Krios and that Justicar Samara flanking her. We talked and I gave her leads. Later, Shepard ended up in Afterlife wanting to drink until she couldn't see straight while wearing one hell of a little black dress. Krios and that turian, Vakarian, took turns watching her in one of my private booths. Krios was the one who very politely informed me that there would be no more Ardat-Yakshi predation on my station." She paused to refill her glass and after watching Kolyat's hungrily attentive face she added, "At some point, Shepard was so fucked she couldn't walk straight. Krios was the one to carry her out through the private entrance. She was out cold, curled against Krios' shoulder as he held her like she was a piece of goddamn turian art. I still can't believe that she used herself as bait for a goddamn Ardat-Yakshi."

     "Fuck you, Aria. You didn't have to share all that." Artemis hunkered into her glass. Her collar was unclasped. It was the only sign that she wasn't Commander Shepard on the couch. Just another soldier drinking at the first chance command offered.

     "Fuck yourself, Shepard. The kid should know what kind of man his dad was."

     "He knew what kind of man his father was. He lived near him for the past six months." Artemis reached for the bottle and found it empty. Aria raised an arm and another bottle was in it, already opened and easily tipped into Artemis' glass.

     "Please," Kolyat begged, offering his glass for only his second one. "I want to hear more about him."

     "I can only tell you what I heard about him. What I saw whenever Shepard landed on Omega." Aria hedged. She kept looking at Artemis who only shrugged as she kept drinking.

     "That is enough."

     "Sure hope so."

     

     Artemis gently extracted Kolyat's glass from hands curled perpendicularly to his chest as he laid on her lap and knocked it back. Aria, a little bleary-eyed from either the late hour — it was halfway to midmorning the next day — or the liquor she matched with Shepard, watched her.

     "You didn't say anything about Krios." The tone was accusatory.

     "Kolyat doesn't need to know about that."

     "About what?"

     "About how much I—About how he discovered love beyond Kolyat's mother."

     "You think you're the only one who’s been the other woman? That you're the only one to find love in someone who already knew it all too well?"

     Artemis looked down to the fist that gathered her uniform tightly. Aria hadn’t lifted her with Kolyat on her lap but her shirt was lifting out of where it was tucked into her pants. It was those odd kindnesses that always amused her about Aria. "No. But I do know that I don't know it well enough. I don't want to tell Kolyat that his father was my— He has memories I should never touch. I don't want to touch them, dancing crazy and all."

     Aria abruptly let go, falling against her chair.

     "Shit. You're more fucked up than I thought."

     "Surprised?"

     "Fuck you. You humans are so fucked up."

     "I'm so glad it was the turians that ran into us. If it were the asari, we'd be fucked. Just stuck within our system waiting to be harvested. Oh, wait."

     "Fuck you," Aria repeated without heat. "What do you want."

     "I want Kolyat safe. I don't care if you have to forcefully move him to Omega after we retake it. I want him to see the galaxy after I destroy the Reapers."

     "And you?" Aria squinted at Artemis as if that would help her understand her.

     "Well, if I don't make it I'll meet Thane across the sea.”

     "Goddess, you're so fucked up."

     "And here I though you liked that about me."

     As Artemis gathered Kolyat up so she could dump him — temporarily — on Karin’s lap so he didn’t have as bad of a hangover, Aria also rose, arms crossing.

     “Shepard. It lessens, over time. You should know that."

     Artemis hiked Kolyat higher on her back and cocked her head at Aria. “I’m not a child, Aria. I know. But until then I might as well use it, yeah?"

     “Yeah.” Her jaw tightened, like she was trying to keep something to herself. “Kill that fucker dead."

     Artemis smiled, a frosty thing that even the heat of the galactic core could not thaw. It was that smile that had Aria smiling back fiercely as she saluted, leaving to find sleep herself.

     Kai Leng was a dead man walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to hit me up on my tumblrs, kheradihr and scribscrab-jibjab. Please look forward to more of Artemis' story in the Scrapbook series.


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